‘Gold Derby: The Movie’: Who should play us in the award-winning masterpiece?

It was only a matter of time before Hollywood realized what a goldmine the Gold Derby story was, and our writer Charles Bright, with the help of his top-secret network of former CIA, NSA, KGB, and QVC operatives, has intercepted an internal memo from NBC Entertainment chairman Robert Greenblatt detailing his future plans:

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“So, we’re still on the air guys! We live to fight another week. I was thinking that we might need to have some stuff to go on Sunday nights after NFL football is over with. We’re going to need to come up with some more shows that will be cancelled almost immediately. In the meantime we can crank out some TV movies. I’ve begun the casting process on one. We can take advantage of everything surrounding awards season by making a movie about the ‘journalists’ (lol) who follow this process. I’ve included our proposed casting suggestions that should work within our $4,764.29 budget that I just pulled out of my ass. Here’s to ‘Gold Derby: THE MOVIE’!”

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But I think the good folks over at NBC are selling us short. Obviously, the Gold Derby movie is pure Oscar-bait, full of dramatic battles and epic speeches that demand the big-screen treatment – like Tom O’Neil‘s Shakespearean furor over Emmy homophobia.

But before they go into production, they should give me a week or two to develop and recover from a serious drug problem, contract a debilitating illness, and pick up a couple of accents so Oscar Isaac can clinch the Supporting Actor Oscar for playing me.

Or, if we absolutely must, we might settle for a dozen or so Emmys, but we’d better get producing credit.

Check out the “Gold Derby: The Movie” cast in our gallery below. Is it a great ensemble, or the greatest ensemble?

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