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Best Television Quotes Since 2000

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  • Atypical
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    #368303

    There’s an ongoing thread topic for this in Film forum, and I believe we’re perfectly capable of doing the same thing in the Television forum. I’ll start with the one and only Jon Hamm from Mad Men in “The Suitcase”: “That’s what the money is for!” Now it’s your turn. Go!

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    forwardswill
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    #368305

    “I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat. And then, on some dark, cold night I will steal away into your home and punch you in the face.”- Sue Sylvester.

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    Hunter Logan
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    #368306

    “I am the one who knocks” of course! 

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    FrozenBarbie
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    #368307

    ^ That’s what came to my mind, too. So, instead, I’ll say “Tread lightly”  or “I did it for me!”

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    Jalal Haddad
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    #368308

     In this age of televsion the best quotes have come from reality televsion. I know a lot of people will look down on these quotes but they have domin ated pop culture in just about every way and should be acknowledged for that. 

    – “Not Today Satan” – Bianca Del Rio, Rupaul’s Drag Race Season 6
    – “Close Ya Legs to Married Men” – Nene Leakes Real Housewives of Atlanta 
    – “I feel very attacked right now” – Laganga Estranga Rupaul’s Drag Race Season 6
    – “You’re Fired” – Donald Trump, The Apprentice (unfortunately)   
    – “BE QUIET TIFFANY. We were rooting for you, we were all rooting for you.” Tyra Banks
    – Sue Hawk’s infamous speech during Survivor’s first tribal counsel 
    – “did everyone try the chicken? I thought the chicken was lovely” – Goldie Flavor of Love

    Non-Reality Quotes
    – “Surprise Bitch, I Bet you thought you saw the last of me” Madison Montgomery, AHS
    – ” Yes all men must die, but we are not men” Game of Thrones
    Anything out of Tina Belcher’s mouth 
    – “Cyrus, I’ve commited a sin” – VP Sally Langston Scandal 
    “He’s not the sun, you are.” – Christina Grey’s Anatomy

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    Atypical
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    #368309

    “I want to go to there.” Liz Lemon (Tina Fey, 30 Rock). I could quote from this show all day, so I better stop lol.

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    OnTheAisle
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    #368310

    Honey, what’s the point of being in the suburbs if you’re not going to fuck a gardener?

    Ugly sex is hot. Some of the best sex I’ve had is with people I can’t stand.

    I’ve spent $40,000 on shoes and I have no place to live? I will literally be the old woman who lived in her shoes!

    from Sex and the City

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    mafro987
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    #368311

    Game of Thrones Best Writing Emmy: “you want a good girl, but you need a bad p****”.

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    Teridax
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    #368313

    One last one here: “Don’t hate what you can’t relate” from IZombie.

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    Teridax
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    #368312

    Two words “Peeno Noir” from Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt and “Say My Name” from Breaking Bad. Oh, and “I am the one who knocks” also from Breaking Bad and “The Lannisters Send Their Regards” from Game of Thrones.

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    Frank Black
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    #368314

    “Don’t tell me what I can’t do!”- John Locke. “We have to go back!”- Jack Shepard. “See you in another life, brotha”- Desmond Hume. “Because destiny John…is a fickle bitch.”- Ben Linus. Lost was quite quotable

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    Denis
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    #368315

    ” We dug Coal Together”. – Walton Goggins as Boyd on Justified.  

    Will never forget that one.

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    Patrick
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    #368316

    Desperate Housewives
    “Rex cries after he ejaculates.”

    “I love sex. I love everything about it: the sensations, the smells. I especially love the feel of a man. All that muscle and sinew pressed against my body. And then when you add friction. MMMmmmm. The tactile sensation of running my tongue over a man’s nipple ever so gently. And then there’s the act itself; two bodies becoming one in that final eruption of pleasure. To be honest, the only thing I don’t like about sex is the scrotum. I mean obviously it has its practical applications but I’m just not a fan.”

    “What do you want me to say? My husband likes to wear metal clamps around his nipples. Hooray?”

    “Here’s the thing you need to understand about me and my friends. We each have our niche. Gabrielle’s the glamorous one, Susan’s the adorable one, Lynette’s smart, Edie’s… Edie, and I am the domestic one, the organizer, the one that knows that there are three tines on a dessert fork. I’m the one who gets teased for that. That’s who *I* am. And that’s also who you are.”

    “That’s a shame, because I understand you better than all those other women do. I know how following the rules and all observing those little graces make you feel like you’re in control. We’ve both had days where it was either set a beautiful table or curl up in a ball and die. We’re the SAME, Bree. And if you think that means we can’t be friends, then I’m sorry. But it might also mean we could be BEST friends.”

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    adamunc
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    #368317

    “I would have my secretary do it, but she’s dead.” –Don Draper, Mad Men

    “That’s life. One minute you’re on top of the world, the next minute some secretary’s running you over with a lawn mower.” –Joan Harris, Mad Men

    “I don’t think you’re crazy, I think you’re colorful. The kind of colorful that might respond to medication.” –Lynette Scavo, Desperate Housewives

    “That idea would make a bad idea feel better about itself.” –Emerson Cod, Pushing Daisies

    “It looks like something Elton John would ride through the Everglades.” –Penny, The Big Bang Theory (referring to the prop from The Time Machine that Leonard and Sheldon buy in an online auction) 

    “I swear to God, you could drown a toddler in my panties right now.” –Pam Poovey, Archer

    I’m not even going to get started on all the great ones from The Simpsons

     

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    AMG
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    #368318

    ‘I was right’ – Carrie Mathison, Homeland

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