Hannah Brown felt defeated after Monday’s “Dancing with the Stars,” but she vows to keep working to “feel free and confident” on the dance floor.
The “Bachelorette” star opened up in a heartfelt Instagram post Tuesday night, reflecting on the season so far and how it hasn’t exactly been what she expected. “This experience has been harder than I could have ever imagined,” she wrote. “When I decided to do ‘DWTS’ I thought it would be a fun way to channel all my energy after a whirlwind experience as the Bachelorette.
“I came into this experience a little broken and confused — more than I’ve shared. Everyday [sic] has brought its challenges with my past, my fears, and the uncomfortableness of opening myself up again to be judged on something VERY scary like learning a new skill to perform each week,” Brown confessed. “Last night was really defeating for me and a lot of suppressed emotions started to surface from this amazing, but grueling experience.”
While Brown and her partner Alan Bersten have been consistently great — they’ve topped the leaderboard twice — recently the judges have been tougher on her performance quality. During Monday’s Halloween Night, Carrie Ann Inaba told the former Miss Alabama that she feels “disconnected” from the movements and that she needs to open up more. The judges have also long told her to nix her pageant smile in order to fit the proper moods of the dances.
Brown, who’s struggled with depression and anxiety, agrees with Inaba that there has been a disconnect in her dances, but she’s “busting my ass” to rectify that and show her true self on the show.
SEE Why are the ‘Dancing with the Stars’ judges so harsh on Hannah Brown?
“I want to be me. I want to be real. I feel my best when I feel like I have the opportunity to share my heart with others,” she said. “But I know that’s been lacking in what has been seen on ‘DWTS.’ It’s true there is a disconnect. I am busting my ass. I am giving this my all. It’s my focus and passion right now. But each week I fall flat. I’ve gotten to the point of being so anxious before I perform that I can’t completely enjoy it like I wish and know I could. I KNOW I have a lot more I can give. I want to be able to feel free and confident to dance with my whole heart. I’m working on getting there.”
The beauty queen clarified that she’s “not throwing a pity party” because she can take criticism and work hard. That includes changing her attitude “to rise above this slump I’m in.” “It’s okay to be grateful and positive, while also acknowledging the hard days we all have. It’s so important to think positively, but it’s also important to acknowledge and feel all the feels,” she said. “This pressure to pretend is not good for anyone.”
Brown wrapped up her post by thanking fans for their support. “I’m blown away by the support I see and feel from all of you who love me through it all,” she gushed. “So thank you— here’s to another opportunity to grow.”
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