“Game of Thrones” fans have lots of opinions about this week’s episode, “The Bells,” which featured controversial payoffs for Daenerys (Emilia Clarke), Cersei (Lena Headey) and Jaime (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau), among others. Who better to help you sort through all your feels than Tiffany Haddish, who joins Jonathan Van Ness for the latest episode of the Emmy-nominated recap series “Gay of Thrones.” Watch it above — and it should go without saying, but SPOILERS abound.
The “Game of Thrones” episode began with Dany learning that Varys (Conleth Hill) betrayed her by trying to convince Jon (Kit Harington) to claim the Iron Throne, so she “lights his ass up like a flat iron finger burn — ow!” Then it was time for Dany’s troops to face “the Wells Fargo army with their Newsies-inspired high-waisted khakis.” It took about five minutes for Dany’s dragon to barbecue them all and win the entire war, but she “flunked Winning Gracefully 101,” so she gives genocide a try and lays waste to the entire city.
Meanwhile, Cersei watches it all happen, “but like Tom Petty, she won’t back down. Also like Tom Petty, she’s crushing this red velvet top.” Eventually even she has to concede that the battle is lost, so she tries to escape the Red Keep with Jaime, but to no avail. “Eight long years I’ve been waiting to watch this bitch get killed,” says Haddish, “and how does she get killed? Rocks. Not rocks from one of her enemies’ families being thrown, not even crack rocks.”
Down in the city Arya (Maisie Williams) narrowly escapes the carnage when she finds a horse that must have found the last surviving Drybar in King’s Landing because “the shag and the fringe on this horse were next level, honey!” So what happens in the finale? And more importantly, who will be joining Van Ness for the final “Thrones” recap? And can Van Ness please recap another show after all is said and done? “Gay of Westworld”? “Gaynger Things”? “The Handgay’s Tale”?
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