This fall, Stephen Colbert wants a pumpkin spice vaccine booster shot

The Biden administration will soon officially recommend coronavirus vaccine booster shots. People will be eligible for a booster eight months after their second shot. “We’re gonna get a third shot, so somehow they’re going to have to make the vaccination card even bigger,” Stephen Colbert joked on Tuesday’s “Late Show.” 

The first people eligible for boosters will probably be nursing home residents and healthcare workers, who may start getting their third shots as early as mid-September. “So these are autumn shots,” Colbert said. “The options will be Moderna, Pfizer or pumpkin spice.” 

Colbert pointed out that this is a reversal of CDC guidance from as recently as a month ago. “First masks, now this,” Colbert said, referencing the CDC’s statement that vaccinated people didn’t need to wear masks. “What else will the CDC suddenly flip on? Could I have been eating raw chicken this whole time, like some rich guy’s labradoodle?” 

The push for the third dose means vaccine sites, which have been less busy the past few months as the pace of vaccination has slowed, will see a fresh run of activity. “You hear that, millions of Americans who are still on the fence about the first dose? Because the rest of us are about to go back for thirds,” Colbert said. “We’re offering you that last slice of pizza before we take it, and in this case, the pepperoni doesn’t kill you.”   

Colbert recommended that everyone get the shot, but be careful, because there’s crime around the vaccine. For example, a man in Norway was recently sentenced to jail time for trying to smuggle amphetamine into the country disguised as vaccine. “If you got the Norwegian shot, side effects include not blinking, grinding your teeth down to nubs, and staying up 72 hours recording a heavy metal concept album about elves,” Colbert joked. “On the plus side, every dose of speed is a booster shot.” 

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