On Tuesday, America got some really good news. President Joe Biden moved the deadline for when all American adults will be eligible to get the vaccine up by two weeks — to April 19 from his original target of May 1 — and many states are already vaccinating everyone over the age of 16.
“You get a shot and you get a shot and you get a shot and you get a shot!” Jimmy Kimmel joked on his show Tuesday night, invoking Oprah Winfrey. “Thanks, President Joe-Prah!”
Kimmel liked the timing of the full eligibility date. “You get vaxxed on 4/19. Then, you smoke it up on 4/20,” he said. “The timing is beautiful.”
Vaccine FOMO reminded him of something else. “This vaccine – I’ve been thinking about it – it’s kind of like losing your virginity,” he said. “One of your friends does it, tells you all about it. It’s exciting. Then another one does it, tells you what it’s like. Then the months go by and all of a sudden, you realize you’re the only person you know who hasn’t been poked. You start imagining it all the time, wondering when. Maybe even get so desperate you’re willing to pay for it. I guess what I’m trying to say is, this isn’t my first rodeo. I’ve been here before.”
“Every day it seems like we learn something new that makes some of our behavior over the past year seem ridiculous,” the host continued. He cited a new report from the CDC that says the chance of getting infected with COVID from a contaminated surface is less than 1 in 10,000. “So in other words, that guy at your office with the big jug of germicide spray? He’s fired. You’ll never see him again,” Kimmel joked. “And all those Clorox disinfectant wipes we hoarded? The CDC says they are no better than regular soap.” We’ll never get back all that time we spent washing our groceries last spring.
“I guess this means we can go back to licking shopping carts again,” he concluded.
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