Seth Meyers wants to cancel Groundhog Day forever

Tuesday was Groundhog Day, the odd little tradition where a rodent in Western Pennsylvania predicts the weather. Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow, which means there will be six more weeks of winter. Of course, there will be, said Seth Meyers. “It’s f—ing February 2nd. If you’re going to keep doing this, maybe move it to March 20th, when you’re really starting to wonder.” 

The “Late Night” host devoted a short “Hey!” segment (“Hey!” is pretty similar to “Ya Burnt”) to Groundhog Day, a tradition he has a comedically strong negative opinion about. 

“This was a fun little game for a while, but we have Doppler radar and satellites now,” Meyers said. “Imagine how it must feel to be the local weatherman in Punxsutawney. You go to school for four years to learn about isobars and hot and cold fronts and everybody throws you over to find out what some fat-ass rat thinks.” Besides, how do we even know what Phil is seeing? He can’t talk! 

“And hey, why are you making this poor little assh— come out anyway?” Meyers wondered. “Don’t you know there’s a pandemic going on? Let him quarantine and figure out winter and spring on your own, you overdressed community theater actors.” 

Meyers thinks it’s time to let this one go because it makes people look bad. “I know you think it’s just a cute little tradition, but I don’t know if you’ve noticed, the rest of us are out here in a life-or-death battle over anti-science psychopaths taking over our government,” he said. “So it really doesn’t help our case that we’re out here using animals to predict the weather, because it’s hard to make fun of Marjorie Taylor Greene and her Jewish space lasers while you supposed blue-staters are wearing top hats and gathering around a hole in the ground waiting to find out if you can book tee times based on which way a woodchuck scurries.”  

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