Stephen Colbert had coronavirus on his mind on Wednesday’s “Late Show,” starting his monologue by saying there are a number of phrases he never wants to hear again once the pandemic is over, like “‘social distancing,’ or ‘grim milestone,’ or ‘Zoom happy hour.’” But we’re a long way from this being over, with the global tally of confirmed cases crossing 100 million, with almost a quarter of those in the United States.
“[President Donald Trump] did deliver on that ‘America First’ thing, we just should have asked what category it was in,” Colbert said.
The Trump administration’s response to the virus was a disaster, Colbert said, but the Biden administration is trying to turn things around. “Yesterday, President Biden announced a dramatic change to America’s COVID plan: There is one,” Colbert quipped.
Said Colbert of Biden’s plan to ramp up vaccine production and distribution efforts, which includes a promise to deliver 10 million new doses a week starting next week, “That means February 2 — next week, Groundhog’s Day — Punxsutawney Phil can come out of his burrow and get vaccinated and stay within six-feet of his shadow.”
Colbert also had words for the young Philadelphians who exploited the city’s vaccination plan — “This might affect these kids’ career prospects,” he said, slipping into an impression of a job interviewer: “Okay, I see here under recent experience, it says ‘complete lack of moral compass and making the elderly cry… Welcome to Facebook.’”
He also applauded Biden for telling the American people about his call with Russian leader Vladimir Putin and took some pleasure in former Vice President Mike Pence “couch-surfing” because he didn’t have anywhere to go when he moved out of the vice president’s residence.
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