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I don't like Luigi's Mansion 3. Here's why.

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  • John Berchmans
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    Jan 22nd, 2018
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    Hi everyone. So I spend most of my time on this website posting on the movie forums, but i wanted to make a quick incursion over to the sleepy game forums to talk about something that’s really been on my mind recently. And that’s Luigi’s Mansion 3. I’m well aware that a lot of people love this game, and I’m really happy for them. Kind of jealous of them actually. I wish I felt how they did. But not only do I not like this game, I’m starting to hate it more the more I play it.

    Now before I tear into this game, I have to acknowledge the good things about this game, because there is quite a bit I like. The animations and graphics in particular are amazing, and this game looks great! Nintendo animators really worked hard to make this game looks as good as possible. The physics engine is also really fun. My favorite part of the game was at the very beginning, knocking over clutter and getting the poltergust for the first time. The early abilities that Luigi earns are a lot of fun as well, especially Gooigi. And there’s something very cathartic about picking up tons of money from every nook and cranny of the room.

    Now for the bad. First of all, there’s no sense of progression in this game. Luigi does not gain any new abilities after the first ones at the very beginning, which means that you’ll be solving a lot of the exact same types of puzzles over and over again. Nintendo had an opportunity to give you something new and cool with the gems,  but instead the gems do… absolutely nothing. They just exist to pad the game out (more on that later). The floor order is completely fucked up too. You start out on the basement, and then go up to the first floor, which makes sense, but then you go to floor 5, then bounce back down to 3, then go to 2, which you can already access from floor 1, but have to wait to get the bottom on for no real reason at all, then the floors go in order until floor 9, and then you have to go to the 2nd Basement, and then you go back to 10 and everything else goes in order.

    Next on my list of criticisms: the combat in this game is not fun. It feels like a chore. every single time there an encounter, the doors get locked up and you’re forced to fight your enemy, making it feel like the game’s boxing you in constantly. The combat would be so much better if they just let you choose whether or not you can fight the enemies. Every single fight basically boils down to the exact same thing: hit the ghost with the strobulb, give it the SUCC, and then bash it a few times until they’re toast. Some fights are even easier than that: you can just instantly suck the baby ghosts. There’s only a very few non-boss enemies that don’t follow this very simple formula. Speaking of which, some of the boss fights are fun, and some of them can SUCK A WHOLE ASS! The knight boss on floor 6 is one of them. His weak animation is so small and so hard to notice, and he takes absolutely forever to initiate it. The boiler room ghost is another. Fighting him with the godawful imprecise water inflatable controls just sucks so unimaginably hard.

    Third, some of the puzzles in this game are just way too cryptic. Either they require ridiculously complex solution, or just solutions that you would never ever guess unless you just slammed every button on your controller at once. An example of the first one is that awful puzzle on floor 8. Here’s the solution (deep breath). You have to: pick up a very small and easy to miss bottle cap in the 4th room, take that bottle cap to the 1st room with the well, put it in the well, turn on the camera, activate the well, pick up the bottle cap after the ghost emerges with the cap which is now full of water, take the cap with the water to the 2nd room, turn on the camera, pour it on a plant to grow a beanstalk, climb up the beanstalk, take the torch from the top of the tower, bring the torch to the 3rd room (running out of air), turn on the camera, light the torch on fire in that room, take the burning torch to the 4th room, turn on the camera, open the box, light the webs on fire, and then you finally get the red megaphone. WHAT THE FUCK! I could give so many more examples of awful puzzles in this game, but I think that one speaks for itself. It really felt like Next Level Games just came up with these ridiculously complicated puzzles for the fun of it and just figured we could solve them because they knew the solutions. That’s just bad game design.

    Last, and most importantly of all, this game has so much padding. I’ve played this game for about 9 hours and I’m already more than 2/3rds of the way through. So I can see why the padding exists. But it sucks so fucking hard. (I’m running out of ways to say suck). The first big padding section is on the second floor, when you’re about to get the button, which you need to progress to the next floor. A ghost mouse steals your button and you have to backtrack through the entire floor just to get your button back. That’s already bad enough: I hate backtracking, and I especially hate it when it only exists to make a short game longer. But then there’s another section after you get the button on the 8th floor that’s even worse. A ghost cat steals your button, and not only do you have to backtrack through that entire floor, but then you have to go to the floor below and backtrack through that entire floor just to get the button you ALREADY EARNED!

    As I said before, I’m glad that so many other people love this game. I really wish I did too. I paid $66 dollars for this game (something I’ve only done 3 times the entire year), and fell like I wasted every single penny. Hopefully you guys can give me some of your feedback and thoughts on this game. Maybe you agree with me, or maybe you can give me some insight into why this game’s so beloved. I’d really like to know.

    BP: Parasite, Jojo Rabbit, Joker, Ford v Ferrari, Marriage Story,
    BD: Bong-Joon Ho, Taika Waititi, Todd Phillips, Noah Baumbach
    Actor: Joaquin Phoenix, Robert Pattinson, Adam Driver, Roman Griffin Davis, Christian Bale
    Actress: Lupita Nyong'o, Scarlett Johansson
    S. Actor: Willem Dafoe, Song Kang-Ho, Sam Rockwell, Al Pacino, Alan Alda
    S. Actress: Laura Dern, Thomasin McKensie, Cho Yeo-Jeong
    AS: Jojo Rabbit, Joker, The Irishman
    OS: Parasite, Marriage Story, Ford v Ferrari

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